All the loyal readers of this site know that we at LTTFL love live music. In fact, some would argue it is the thing we love most and what inspired us to make this blog. Of course we love local bands and seeing shows with other locals. HOWEVER, by no means do we “live 4” it…
Dear Live “4” Live Music:
I typically start my open letters with “to whoom it may concern,” but in this case, I think its we, the local music loving people of New Orleans who need to be concerned. “4” many years now, your hat-pin collecting readers have been slowly infiltrating legendary historic local venues like The Maple Leaf and Tipitinas. Ever since you published “sick pro shot footage” of pretty lights “absolutely slaying” the intro riff to Time by Pink Floyd, we can hardly go see George Porter without being forced to watch a group of underfed trustafarians in L4LM flat brims having dance seezures in front of the stage.
Their once existed a buffer in this city between the true locals like us and everyone who’s never seen The Radiators. But ever since you started posting about “members of Lettuce TAKING OVER Frenchmen during jazz fest” on zuckerbook, your following of phish tour co-eds has been violating our sacred spaces.
Now, of course we won’t deny we have a couple things in common with you and your readers. For one thing we all like Phish and other acklamed jam bands. But anyone can take a bump of molly at PhishDicks and lose their mind to “Haleys Comet” (2015 night one set 1 song three). the New Orleans music scene is all about LISTENING like a local, and you can only suck down so many second hand whippits before you stop being able to do that.
And you know who else can’t LISTEN? The aepi kid wearing a backward “tpc sawgrass” hat yelling “this sucks!” while Kermit Ruffins plays at Blue Nile, who only showed up because you instagrammed “usher joins Kermit Ruffins and Bill Murray on stage to cover ‘sexual healing’ #nola #jazzfest” the night before.
Finally, we come back to the pretty lights fanboy demographic. Ever since your readers saw that obese emo kid derek playing computer games with REAL musicians like Eric Bloom on stage, they decided it was acceptable to come to our city. pl’s gremlin fans have stopped grinding their teeth long enough to find out about musicians like Adam Dietch and Pres Hall Jazz Band. Instead of wasting a musicians time telling him about how “ridic” it is that “Freaking Tipper. Lettuce. And the new Pretty Lights band” are playing The Gorge, tell your buddy derek that New Orleans isnt exactly a great place for a fat man with a sweating problem. Ask Jon Gros.
We all like live music, but the similarities end their. If you want to make things right, you can send your crystal-peddling minions back to the Red Rocks lot. You say you “live 4 live music”? well you better get a life line, because you and your fans are killing it!